10 minute mayhem

Hi guys,

Just gonna try writing this post continuously for 10 minutes and see what I come up with and just draw the line after time's up.

So we've just broken up for study leave yesterday, first day off today. GCSEs start in 5 days now, everything's finally coming together after all the time spent revising, and not Facebooking or texting or going out with friends, but instead vocab chanting and essay writing. Everything has almost all come together.

It's all a little surreal to be honest, this last year of my life seems to be never ending. The eternal final chapter of the novel of my school career, the ever-dawning glorious summer, just 49 days away now. And only 32 exams in between, it's really weird to think; the last 5 years I've learnt all this rubbish, which I'm never ever going to use in my life. And after taking an exam, I can just forget about them and move on. As if the last 5 years had been a complete waste of time.

Obviously I've learnt some useful things, like inderpedence, responsibility, maturity. But I'm not convinced these things came from an education, more likely just from aging.

Anyway that's all I have for these 10 minutes, I've been finding it hard to post anything while juggling revision. So I just decided to sit down and write something!

Thanks for reading

Omar Al-Kamil

"For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic..."

Not only is this the title to a Paramore song which I love, but I also think this sums me up pretty well.

It's kinda of a weird thing, I just hate to see other people sad so when I'm with other people I always act really positively and optimistic. But it's only when I get time to sit and think for myself that I realise how negative I actually am, and considering most of the time I spend blogging I'll be alone, that might reflect in my writing. Anyway, it was only really when I talk to people hypothetically, and so many people called me up for thinking of the worst case scenario. And then it came to be slowly and silently bubbling negative thoughts in my head, but I'd hate to actually share how I really feel. Atleast in person, I'm scared I might make people feel bad :( with this blog acting as my own personal diary I think things may be different.

It's pretty weird, it feels like I'm pretend to be someone I'm not. It's more than just thinking about things negatively, it's about expressing myself. I'm an honest person, (atleast I'd like to think I am) but there's a huge difference between speaking the truth and speaking my mind. I'm worried a lot of the things I think could get me into trouble I just don't want to be in, and more importantly can't be bothered to be in. I feel sometimes that I'd like to reinvent myself, to a person who no-one cares about, so I can just shadow. And so no-one cares how I express myself. As it stands I find myself just walking out of conversations, which I don't want to be in, so I don't offend people with what I want to say. Even if it's just a pointless arguement with a friend who's feeling especially arrogant.

It's not that I don't have the confidence to speak out, it's just I'm scare of the consequences.The one time I actually spoke up to a few 'friends' I lashed out, needlessly to say it wasn't well received, at that point the shunned me out of the conversation and I had no intention to ever talk to them again. I haven't spoken to any of them for almost 8months now, as it happens from an outsider of their circle I realise now how much I actually dislike them and how good it was for me that I spoke out at them.

But that was just one time, what happens if it doesn't go that way. What happens if relationships break and people fall out and it's not for the better. I'm sick and tired of being somebody I don't want to be, but with exams pressing I don't feel like this is the time to make a bold statement. 

Anyone who's reading this and is wondering what to make of all this, as an overarching comment I want to say, express yourself. Something bad may happen but it will be for the best, it's better to live without having to hide yourself or your inner feelings. So I challenge you, to show your true colours to the world. (Or if you don't wanna go that big start with just friends) I want to hear about anyone who has showed the world their true selves, or anyone who is thinking about it. I'll be happen to give some further guidance.

Thanks for Reading

Omar Al-Kamil

Sad times

The main reason, the blog hasn't been regularly updated. I hate to admit it, but during these last few months is because I've been feeling kinda depressed. 

Since January loads of things have been going on which just made me feel kinda down, nothing serious. Just little things such as: I've not been on (or been allowed on) my computer, which I spend a large amount of my time! Also I haven't been going out very recently at all, and on Wednesday I played hockey for the first time in 4 weeks. Also I haven't really been getting along that well with my friends, and you get the point. It just feels like life is going meh.

And honestly, just re-reading that last paragraph, I hate to whine about this stuff because it's pretty trivial. It's nothing actually bad like cancer or anything, but writing it all down made me feel a bit better, it's not really the little things but it's just the constant awareness of them for months and just being fed up, and knowing they'll last for another 9weeks (62 days now). And now, when people feel depressed for apparently no reason, I'll be able to actually understand how they're feeling without knowing (or needing to know) why.

Thanks for Reading

Omar Al-Kamil

Blog Update!

So, it's been a while... This is the third time I've tried this blog. This time I'm going to be a lot more committed (atleast I hope.) I do have my exams soon so I'm not sure how committed I will be atleast in the few weeks (9 to be exact) but my longest run of activity came in the summer so that's a plus to look forward to. 

So a few changes I plan on making:

• I'm not really planning on telling many people about this second revival until after my exams (after reactivating Facebook and stuff)

• I'm not going to put some demand on myself to write daily so I don't get really annoyed when I don't post and start writing something at midnight (ironically like I am write now)

• I'm not sure if I can, but I'm going to try and organise this blog a little and archive the old posts or whatever. I'm not sure what I can do on computer, I'm on my phone right now.

So that's the plan, let's hope it works. I'm still working on the mentality that no-one would actually read all of this or any of the other posts.

Thanks for reading

Omar Al-Kamil

Hard work pays off...

Like, I don't know how many times people have told me this.... I don't think anyone has never heard this before, but I don't think anyone really can appreciate until they experience working hard for something and getting a good result. (Woah check me with my fancy underlines :o) Hmmm interesting it appears like I have broken my text....

Back to what I was saying, I think that up until this year I've never really been faced with any hard challenges so I've tended to be a fairly lazy person. Things have changed now, I have my GCSEs in May and they're actually pretty important :/ so I've started to put some effort in for a change and I'm not gonna lie, it sucks... 

One thing that I was taught by my brother that psychologically one of the most unencouraging thing is putting in effort and not seeing results, like all those people who make their New Years resolution to get hench or even just fit, they will put effort in but by February give up as they haven't seen any results...

Today I results from my first ever Latin literature test, and normally I'm quite poor in Latin... Test basically involved me having learnt 70 lines of Virgil from memory and then answering questions on it... Yaaaaaay -_- BUT I did manage to pick up an A* which has given me so much more encouragement!

For a moral to take from this I guess I'm trying to say, just because you don't see results straight away from working doesn't mean give up. Even if things seem impossible the key is persistence. A quotation to hopefully keep you motivated is "Never give up; for even rivers some day wash away dams" - Arthur Golden (although I don't have a clue who he is)

Thanks for Reading

Omar Al-Kamil

(I need to figure out what happened to my font)

Was it worth?

After I do something I often ask myself was it worth, but today I'm really considering it... 

So I had a hockey match today, and normally hockey is something I really like to play, but the league which I play in regularly is outrageous... People are brutal and rude... The language used by most players in the game is just unbearable, the worst is one of the players on my team who feels the need to constantly abuse me after every mistrap or mistake I make, even when there's physically nothing I can do he just constantly swears at me.

Makes me wonder if it's worth me actually carrying on playing, and I'm not talking about quitting hockey all together... But why should I go play, when I'm not enjoying myself due to people ruining the game for me? I reckon that had I not scored and won us a point I probably would have quit there and then.

I guess I'm done...

Thanks for Reading

Omar Al-Kamil

Insomnia, Virgil and Repetition (repetition)

What an awful combination, 

Short and sweet today, although it feels pretty sour... Since I've got home I've just spent all day in my room essentially chanting Virgil (Latin epic poetry) to learn it, while trying to sleep (unsuccessfully) several times...

An old Arabic proverb (not really that old or a proverb; just something my grandad used to say to my mum) "repetition can teach even the donkey." Sounds better in Arabic trust me...

I like to try and actually write something constructive with my posts but today it's just me ranting about how basically my life is just sitting in my room and revising, if not Latin then it's Greek or some other subject, sometimes I go play hockey but it's mainly just chanting...

Thanks for reading 

Omar Al-Kamil